It has been an emotional rollercoaster of a week. Time has somehow gone by too fast. I’m grateful for calisthenics and driving for keeping me sane. Yes - driving - I have driven about 200km in the last few days? 160 of which took about 7 hours in the aftermath of the rain we had on Saturday. I made art. I used watercolours for the first time in 15 years. I painted on a canvas for the first time ever. A friend had a birthday so she rented a house in the middle of a vineyard and we all did art. Sketching, poster paints, acrylics, sculpting, zines, claymation. Highly recommend. I still haven’t processed my changing relationship with my family. I met up with (yet another) friend I haven’t hung out with since the pandemic and remembered how much fun they are. I need more friends who are involved in Bangalore local news and urban politics. I am working on a Django app after a long time and it’s been strange. I am doing things, I think, but it is not fast enough or useful enough or valuable enough. I have so many friends I need to talk to that are scattered over the world and whose lives I want to touch again. I meet with people who live near me because life buoy. I can’t bring the energy to talk to friends who don’t live near me because they can’t see the exhaustion in my bones, and I will extend myself because I love them and I want to know everything about them and time is never enough. But then we hang up and I am alone again, and that is worse. I am trying to keep track of all the good things but sleep is not restful. Food is not nourishing. I keep forgetting to hydrate, and yet. I am drowning.
HUG